This week, a student – whom I will call Grace because to me she is full of that quality – and I were looking at the two minuets of the first Bach suite. We were trying to find the essential gestures in each one. A little shy of dancing in front of a camera in lockdown attire, Grace chose to explore the movements in her own space with her camera switched off . After a few minutes she returned, having established two gestures – one a descending flutter a bit like an autumn leaf for the minor minuet and the other a buoyant upward throw and sway for the major…..

Grace was struggling with the movement for first minuet. ‘What happens’ she asked, ‘when you can’t access the gesture you feel?’. Grace – a vibrant and highly motivated performer – has been in lockdown for almost six months now. At the beginning of our session, in response to the usual ‘How are you?’ she had said ‘OK.’. She didn’t look it at all. ‘Well…’ she said ‘…perhaps a little flat?’. The answer to her question, I thought, lay there. How can you find a buoyant upward throw and sway in your body, heart and soul, when you are feeling flat? To simplify, how can you play a happy piece when you are feeling sad?

An actor once gave me some of the best pieces of advice I have ever received, one which opened the doors to a sense of improvisation, even whilst following a written score. It was:

‘Start where you are.’

In our session together, all I felt able to offer Grace was to give her permission to feel flat rather than feel obliged (as so many of us do at the moment) to push out a gesture neither organic nor true to herself in that moment. I wonder if, from being true to that feeling, something was able to shift…? We will find out next week.

Meanwhile, I have been thinking about flat. Where are we when we lack motivation, when our resilience fails us, when the end of something is clearly upon us and we do not know yet if the path we are on will lead elsewhere, or anywhere, or if there even is a path….? So many of us are feeling this flatness in the barren landscape of Covid 19. Feeling into this state myself today, I found fear. Then I found silence and stillness and, being with silence and stillness I felt, well, first more fear, then quite a lot of sadness…. and then a movement, the beginnings of sound…..

I have always been inspired by Gabrielle Roth’s work with the 5 Rhythms  – Flow, Staccato, Chaos, Lyrical, Stillness. During a performance of improvised dance with the Bach Suites which I shared with with the fabulous 5 Rhythms dancer, Sophia Campeau, Sophia spontaneously picked up on the staccato – jagged uncomfortable movements – within the still serenity of the fifth suite sarabande. It was a shock to me at the time, and yet now, (20 years later) I understand what she heard. Now I understand that within flat there are hills, within stillness there is movement. A golden crocus can flourish in a rocky outcrop.

Each time we dance into Stillness, we practice the art of making humble and mindful endings interpreted by our higher connected self. This carries through to all of our endings in life—the end of this dance, this day, this relationship, or this life cycle. Good endings mean taking responsibility for the whole journey, distilling wisdom from our experience so that we may begin the next wave or cycle clean and not carrying the past with us. – Gabrielle Roth

These are tough times. I think we all need support, a space to be where we are. In response, musicians and teachers around the world are rising beyond all expectations to meet this need, providing refuge, safety, comfort and inspiration online. I believe the advantages of lessons on zoom are many. First and foremost, we, as human beings feel comfortable and safe in own space in a way that we often do not in an impersonal teaching studio. I have found students online able to take risks and experiment in new ways – by moving away from or turning off the camera, or muting themselves for a few moments while they explore an unfamiliar movement or expression, allowing them to make breakthroughs during the hour online with me that might otherwise have taken weeks. The ‘limitations’ of zoom also provide us with new opportunities. Taking the focus away from the perfect sound production we as musicians are so obsessed with and shifting it to gesture, intention and somatic experience has been a revelation to me as a teacher and I have found problems much more swiftly solved as a result of this change in my attention. Zoom also encourages the student to articulate their own experience rather than just wait to be told what to do. Then, of course, there is the advantage – both financial and environmental – of not having to travel, whilst opening up a global community of fellow musicians…… All in all, I never imagined I would feel so happy online and, though it can never replace being in the the physical presence of another musician, it is an exciting addition to our experience as teachers and I look forward to many years of working in this way.

InsideOut Musican will be launched in December. Meanwhile, The Exhale has a glorious new website. These forums, thugh started in response to Covid 19, work so well they are here to stay. Join me for Bow Pranayama and Honesty and Compassion in Practice and Performance. For the latter classes I am looking for three more people to play in these masterclasses so do check them out! The amazing Saskia Rao will be leading us in Indian ragas, and Jennifer Johnson doing more exquisite body mapping. Dale Culliford and Patrick Gundry White are back to back talking about breath and bodies, Asdis Valdimarsdottir will help you find space in your left hand….and, if you want to really nourish yourself, look no further than Tara Lee Byrne who should have been catering for all our workshops this year. In other words, I was going to be nourished her for three of the twelve months of 2020 but now…well, at least we have this…

Bon appetit and hopefully see you soon!

“I started to have weekly lessons with Ruth on zoom during the long COVID lockdown in Melbourne. I have found these interactions to be so important for me, to continue to be inspired and creative in a time that feels so uncertain and uncomfortable.” –  Lucy